Shugo Chara Crackfics
by fanficgirl85
Summary: Just a bunch of crackfics (funny stories) hope they will give you a laugh :p Special thanks to my beta ShugoInufreak :)
1. Chapter 1

Shugo chara crackfics

Story 1: Kicked outta Wal-mart

First story, hope you like it!

Just a special thanks to my new beta! who is just amazing!

ShugoInufreak

IKUTO'S POV  
"I still have no idea how you managed to drag me into this Ikuto." Amu said from behind me.  
I turned my head a little bit in her direction, smirked at her, and then turned back. I started fidgeting in my pocket trying to find my list and after a second or two I pulled the crumpled list out of my pocket and opened it and looked at it.  
(Ikuto's List~Nya)

1. Dress up in Lego suites and run around screaming, "I am Michael Jackson from the future!" Amu read that over my shoulder and started laughing.

Back to Ikuto's POV  
"What the hell is that for? Who is dressing up as Lego people?" she managed to say while she tried to stop laughing.  
"It is a list of stuff that we are going to do today. And just wait and see, your going to laugh even harder when you find out who has to wear the costumes." I said as I let out a small giggle.  
"I know it's a list you moron, but what do you mean what we are going to do today?" she asked as she looked around for a bunch of people dressed in Lego costumes.  
"Then why'd you ask, and you will just have to wait and see." I said as I winked at her. She opened her mouth to fire something back, but realized that she couldn't find the words to say.  
"Hinamori! Tsukiyomi! We're ready!" I heard a voice shout from behind me. As I turned I started to smile.

AMU'S POV  
Oh. My. God. My jaw dropped at what I saw. All of my friends—Utau, Rima, Tadase, Nagihiko, Yaya, Lulu and Kairi—were dressed up as Lego's. Giant, Lego's. Everyone had a different color of Lego, so they looked like a rainbow.  
"What the hell Ikuto, what's all this about?" I asked trying to hold in a laughing fit.  
"Hey! Hinamori, we got a costume for you and Tsukiyomi too." Kukai said smiling and holding up a red and a blue Lego costume for me and Ikuto. Kukai laughed at my expression. But he was already getting into his costume.  
"This is what we are doing today." Kukai said as he hugged me, lifting me off of the floor.  
Kairi looked at me. "Well it is your birthday… So we planned to have some fun." Kairi said as he began to blush.  
Tadase stepped up. "Please, Hinamori-san?" He looked at me with that cute pout of his.  
"Yeah! I want Amu to have some fun with us!" Yaya screamed as she jumped into the air and stuck out her thumb.  
"Come on Amu." Rima said in her quiet voice.  
"Yeah." Lulu and Utau nodded in agreement.  
"Even me." Ikuto said as he set his hand on top of my head and rustled my hair.  
"Does this mean that you're in?" Kukai asked as he grabbed my harm.  
I nodded and put the costume on. It was a little on the bigger side, but I could still move well enough, so it worked.  
"Let's get this show on the road!" Yaya yelled jumping into the air once more.  
We all took off into Wal-Mart, not knowing that it'd be the best birthday ever.  
* * *

A lot of people gave us confused looks as we walked into Wal-mart  
"We are Michael Jackson! We are Michael Jackson!" Tadase yelled at the top of his lungs, attracting a lot of attention to us. I was about to laugh when Rima nudged me in the arm.  
"Don't ruin it." She whispered. After we had walked around for about five minutes we stopped in the toy section and everyone began to take their costumes off. Then Ikuto told us to set them on top of each other. After we did that Ikuto put a "Free sample" sign right on top of them.

"What's next?" Nagihiko asked. Ikuto looked at his list.  
"Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. Let's how many people will play along out of pure embarrassment. Ikuto said as he let out a little giggle. Kukai laughed. Then we all set off in different directions.  
I saw a young couple and immediately ran up to them. "I haven't seen you two in forever!" I yelled. They looked nervous.  
"O-Oh, well…we've been busy…" The girl said.  
"WHERE WERE YOU WHEN GRANDMA DIED, HUH?!" I shouted.  
People were starting to look at us. The couple began to walk away in a fast pace.  
"YEAH, JUST KEEP ON WALKING‼" I laughed. My phone vibrated, it was a message saying, "Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham." I swear I heard Kukai laugh.  
Luckily, I was in the meat section. I grabbed a ham and looked for the nearest person, it was an old lady. I didn't want to be mean and actually hurt her, so I walked up to her and, very lightly, tapped her on the head. Then I ran away giggling.

The next text was: Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa! You're ALIVE! It's a MIRACLE! Etc." I smiled. There were a couple guys in this section. I picked the one that was closet to me. I ran up to him and hugged him.  
"Grandpa‼ You're ALIVE‼ I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! YOU LIVED!" Then I let go of him and ran off.  
My next message was, 'Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "Hey, that's mine!" call the security and say that the other person was trying to take your _' Peace o' cake I thought.  
I looked around for someone's cart. "Aha!" I thought to myself as I found someone with a shopping cart near me. The only thing I saw was a lamp, but hey. I crept up silently and grabbed her lamp.  
She turned around and yelled, "HEY! That's mine, you thief!"  
"SECURITY! SECURITY, HELP MEEEEEE‼" I yelled, dropping her lamp and running off. As I was running I ran into Ikuto.  
"Having fun?" He smirked. As he put his arm on my shoulder.  
"M-Maybe…" I said as I started to blush. "WTF, why am I blushing?!" I thought to myself.

"The next thing that we are gonna do…" He nodded towards "Wet Floor" signs. "Is moving those to carpeted areas." He said with a smile.  
"Okay." I said as I began to walk towards the signs. Each of us took one and moved it to the clothing department. After we finished, there were "Wet Floor" signs practically everywhere. We stepped back and admired our work.  
"Nice." We both said. Then I laughed. He looked at me.  
"Did I just see a smile on Ikuto's face? Nah. It was probably a smirk." I thought to myself.

"Next is…Hiding in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell, "BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"  
"Haha, sounds great! I said as I grabbed my stomach because it hurt from laughing so much.  
"We each went to a clothing rack that wasn't guarded with signs." Ikuto said as he pointed to a couple of racks and led me towards them.  
I think I sat there for quite some time until I saw a pair of old granny shoes come up.  
When she started looking through the racks, I jumped out and screamed at her. She ran away, looking like she was about to have a heart attack. My sides hurt from laughing so hard. Her expression was priceless.  
Ikuto tapped me on the shoulder. "You get to have the honors for the next one." He said as he moved closer to me and smiled.

"What's the next one?" I asked with a confused look on my face.  
He showed me the list.

8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!"

"And while you're doing that, I'll tell Utau and the others to meet us up here." He said as he started to walk away.  
"Okay." I said as I looked for the nearest dressing room. After I found the dressing rooms, I went in and took out my cell. I played a game, and then looked at the time. I opened my mouth and yelled.  
"THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!"  
I heard laughing, and I knew that the others were outside already.

We did more stuff after that. Kukai and Yaya set up Barbie's and GI Joes in the toy isle and declared war, Rima and Nagihiko were trying to check people out in an empty checkout isle and Ikuto made a kid cry.  
He taped a walkie-talkie behind an Elmo doll and spoke into the other walkie-talkie, "Elmo knows where you live."  
I busted out laughing, because the little kid ran away screaming.  
Then Lulu and Tadase were running around the store yelling.  
"Michael Jackson has my dad!" Oh, and Kairi and Utau were "testing" the fishing rods. It was hilarious. They even caught some lady's ring

Around five o' clock the manager finally caught up to us and kicked us out. It was totally worth it though.  
After that we all went out for ice cream. Everyone went their separate ways, and Ikuto walked me home.

So what do you guys think, do you like it :P Read and review XP check back, i will write a new oneshot at least every week XP


	2. Chapter 2

Amu's POV  
Hello, my name is Hinamori Amu. I am a elementary student at Seyio Academy. I live with my mother, father and little sister Ami. At times my father, Tsumugu Hinamori, can act a little crazy and over protective. Let me give you some examples:  
Flashback- TadxAmu  
"Amu… I love you" Tadase whispered into my ear, as started leaning in close, about to kiss me.  
"This is going to be my first kiss! I'm so excited!" I thought to myself as he got closer and closer to my lips.  
"Ahhh! You monster! You moron! You heartless beast! Stay away from my Amu! OH how you wound me" My father screamed as he watched that Tadase was about to kiss me. He had been spying and eavesdropping on us through a little whole that he had drilled into my door.

He then ran in like a mad man holding a chainsaw.  
"WHAT THE HECK!" I thought to myself. Tadase backed away from me a little bit  
"Yeah that's it you heartless beast, stay away from papa's little sparrow!" He growled furiously at Tadase Kun.

"Amu-chan! Oh my, honey, leave that poor boy alone!" Mama shouted as she stared in shock at the scene that was taking place in front of her.  
"But mama, that beast is after my sparrow!" Papa whined.

"No buts! Stop acting like a mad man, and leave them alone!" Mama was scolding papa.

"But mama! That's it! I'm running away! Leaving home! Leave I tell you leave" He cried as he ran out of the room, past mama.  
"Umm, Amu chan. I have to go now" Tadase said sighing. He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek, then left the room.

BACK TO REAL LIFE  
Now that was funny, but nothing compared to what Ikuto had to face:

Flashback- AmuxIkuto

It was a warm evening and I was chilling on my bed, when I heard a noise behind me.

"Ahhh, Ikuto!" I screamed.

"Chill, babes, it's only me, you superman!" He boasted as he wrapped his arms around me

"We are not dating! So don't call me that! And you can't be superman, you can't even fly!" I smirked, shaking his arms off of me.

"You're right, I'm Super Ikuto! Dunananana!" As he said that he started head banging and rocking out on his air guitar.  
"Dream on Ikuto." I began to say, but I was cut short because Ikuto pinned me to the bed.  
"Say I am your super Ikuto!" he smirked, knowing I was he had no clue about my secret weapon…  
"Papa!" I shouted.

Then out of nowhere papa burst into the room, with a butcher's knife in his hand.

"Ahhh, cat! Cat! After my baby sparrow? Fear not my child, for I shall hack off his **"

"Honey stop this nonsense at once!" mama argued.

"Fine! That's it I want a divorce, divorce I tell you divorce! I'm leaving!" and with that papa ran to the bathroom.

BACK TO NORMAL TIME

Oh god you should have seen the look on Ikuto's face, luckily mama saved him. But then Ikuto stopped coming and I realised that I love him.

So I rang him to come by my house, and with A LOT of persuasion he agreed to come.

FLASHBACK- AmuxIkuto

"What is it Amu?" Ikuto asked

"I-I love you!" I blurted

"I love you to" he said as he leaned in close kissing me, it was my first kiss. When all of a sudden papa came in. He then started rubbing my lip in attempt to remove "Ikuto germs" from his baby bird

BACK TO NORMAL TIME

Oh and then there was that one time, when Ikuto almost killed my dad haha!

Flashback- AmuxIkuto

"Yeah papa we are all snowed in, so I will have to stay the night at Rima's house." I lied so that my dad wouldn't get suspicious.  
"Oh thank god babe, if I had to endure one more of your papa's "sex talks" I think I would have killed him. God that guy is a nut!" Ikuto complained as he hugged me from behind.

When all of a sudden a bulldozer rammed the door of Ikuto's apartment and out came papa.

"Papa?! What are you doing here?! You ruined Ikuto's door!" I screamed as I threw my hands in the air in frustration.

"More importantly, what are you doing here?! I have installed cameras all over Ikuto-kun's house, and I was watching him! Oh and Ikuto-kun, if you know what's good for you… STOP MOANING MY DAUGHTERS NAME WHEN YOU MASTURBATE IN THE SHOWER! Yes I watch that to, Ikuto-kun, be warned I am watching you, all the time!" papa cackled, with a freaky crazed maniac grin on his face.  
"What the ** you fricken psychotic nutcase?! Leave me the hell alone!" Ikuto screamed as he started to throw punches as my dad.

BACK TO NORMAL TIME  
"Yo" Ikuto greeted me kissing me on the cheek "what are you thinking about?"  
"All of those moments my papa tried to break us up" I answered.

"Oh yeah. Remember on our date, he gave me a laxative (poo tablet) in my drink. And omg every time I see him I get a "sex talk" he chuckled.

"yeah."

"But I wonder how he will react if I propose, do you want to see Amu Koi?" Ikuto huskily whispered in my ear.

"I-Ikuto!" I whispered before leaning into a kiss, It was slimy and gross, and quite frankly he smelled weird.

I looked up only to almost puke because my papa had replaced Ikuto's lips with a piece of shrimp.

"Hahaha! You made out with a shrimp!" Ikuto started holding his sides and hysterically laughing.

"I might just marry it instead!" I shot back.

"Marry, marry ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" papa cried.

AT THE WEDDING

Papa tried to fake his death on numerous occasions but it never worked

"I do." Ikuto said as he smiled warmly at me.  
"I do." I replied, returning the warm smile.

HONEY MOON

"Amu." Ikuto softly moaned as he proceeded to make love to me.

When all of a sudden papa and the defense force came in, poor Ikuto was almost charged with attempted rape. Papa tried to chop of his ** AGAIN! But luckily he saw that it would only affect me.

But soon it all changed. I soon after got pregnant, with twins: A boy named Kyo and a girl named Yuki. Yuki was papa's new sparrow. He always tried to get rid of Kyo by; swapping him with a girl baby, hiding him in the cupboard, hell, he even put him in someone else's pram.

So now whenever papa comes over we disguise Kyo as a girl. But thank god I am not his little baby sparrow anymore!

A/N I will make a new chapter either today, tomorrow or the next day, depending on reviews. The next chapter will be called "what the **? I'm a chicken?"  
Short preview  
Kutau story

"oni sama, I laid an egg?" Utau told Ikuto.

"what?! I think that you might be a chicken?!" Ikuto replied!

Thanks, the more reviews i get the sooner i will update, comment/inbox your ideas! thanks and once again give a big hand to my beta and motivator Xx you guys should read her storys they are great! Thanks again ShugoInufreak XD


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